Sunday, November 15, 2009

Making changes

Week 3, Day One 100 Push Ups Challenge
Set One: 12
Set Two: 17
Set Three: 13
Set Four: 13
Max Set: 18
Total: 73

Today was rough for push ups. I'm fighting off some kind of infection. My head is super congested and its hard to breathe- my chest feels like someone is sitting on it. Probably wasn't the wisest idea to do push ups, but I didn't want to lose ground on my program. I'm completely exhausted right now. I could sleep the rest of the day.

No rest for the wicked, I guess. I have to go to my cousin's house for a family photo for our grandparents. I'm not looking forward to it. Its awkward. I don't really speak to this side of my family for many reasons. I don't want to be interrogated. If they don't go that route, they'll just ignore me like they always used to. It was so passive-aggressive growing up. I guess this is one way to reflect on why I behave the way I do. I was so miserable as a kid when it came to this side of the family. I feel vulnerable and anxious and very much like a child going into this today. Weird. I guess I'd better figure out how to be my own person, once and for all. My worth does not depend on anyone else. NO ONE. I listened to all the hate-filled crap for all those years. It did a number on me, but its time to grow up, girlie. I guess that's what the last 10 years have been about.
2010 is going to be my year. I will be who I want to be. I will learn what I want to learn and do what I want to do. I will learn to be myself and love myself. This has been a long time coming and I deserve better. Being healthy and making it to the stage are just a piece of this journey. The health and fitness side of this impacts so much of the rest of my life. All the things I have sidelined in my life were due to my lack of physical ability. I am going to do amazing things this year. :) 2010 has already begun for me.

Tracy- next year You and I will be on the stage at KY Muscle. :)

Congrats to all the competitors this weekend!

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