Monday, June 28, 2010

Changes in Progress

So things will be in limbo for a bit here. I'm going to try and get my new layout completed soon. iPhone really launches tomorrow, so that will suck up 2 days of my life. Not thrilled, but what can ya do?

I gained back 11  pounds in the last month and a half. How??- by not being active. Food hasn't been top notch either. Moving- exercise- is SO key. My body needs activity. Periods of pure exhaustion, having headaches, hormone freakouts... I have to find a way to overcome these. They happen. And I have to assume for now that they will always happen. Am I going to just sit back every time? Every time it happens, I retreat. I'm just going to have to push through them. As crappy as I feel.
Who's in charge here? ME or MY EMOTIONS? I'm sure there are times where I just need to rest, but when I can push, I must. The way I feel dictates too much of my life. I need to start operating on knowledge not feelings. I won't ignore my intuition... but I have to achieve some balance here.

I missed a week of C25K. Between uncooperative weather and work mayhem... I really need to get into a gym. Money is super tight right now, so hopefully next payday. I was progressing nicely. I am hoping to jump back into it soon. Maybe tonight. I did my 100 push ups program today.

100 Push Ups Program
Day One- 50 total

Going for 100% on the meals today.  Hopefully I can check in tomorrow with that as a success.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

These are Great One Liners!

Love these...

John Wooden’s All-Time Best One-Liners

There are no shortcuts
Always be progressing
Give it away to get it back
If you wish to be heard, listen
Laugh with others, never at them
Never mistake activity for achievement
Nothing is stronger than gentleness
Persistence is stronger than failure
There is no substitute for hard work
We get stronger when we test ourselves
Happiness begins where selfishness ends
You are more influential than you think
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail
Discipline yourself and others won’t need to
Learn from the past, don't live in the past
Fear no opponent but respect every opponent
Hard work is the difference. Very hard work
Take what’s available and make the most of it
You never fail if you know you did your best
When you are through learning, you are through
What is right is more important than who is right
The time to make friends is before you need them
The worthy opponent brings out the very best in you
There is a price to be paid for achieving anything
You can do more good by being good than any other way
The difficult challenge provides the best opportunity
Once the opportunity arises, its too late to prepare
Greatness is being your best when your best is needed
Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating
The smallest good deed is better than the best intention
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation
Tell the truth, that way you dont have to remember a story
Everybody has a suggestion, not everybody has a decision
For every artificial peak you create, there is a valley
Be interested in finding the best way, not in having your own way
Time spent getting even would be better spent trying to get ahead
Being average means you’re as close to the bottom as you are to the top
Ability can get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there
You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you react
Much can be accomplished when no one is concerned about who gets the credit
Spend too much time learning tricks of the trade and you may never learn the trade

Friday, June 4, 2010

Moving Update and Reflections

So the move is over. It was E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-N-G!!! 

I did so much by myself and I didn't get a uhaul until the last day. That was a mistake. Too many little trips. This process has been hard on me mentally and physically. My body is still aching. My joints hurt a lot. I felt like I was PMSing the whole time. I didn't get enough protein in. I didn't eat often and the meals I did eat weren't always the best. I gained 6lbs during the last 2 weeks. It feels more like 16. :(
As I was packing and unpacking I found various meal plans, diet programs, journals, new years resolutions. Every resolution had lose weight, get healthy, exercise more, dance, learn sign language, and pose/ create a pin up calendar for my husband, learn to be more trusting. For the last 8 years... my goals have been the same. Every year is THE YEAR to make the changes happen and yet every year I repeat the same list. :(
Its not like I don't want to reach my goals. I want to live unencumbered by my body. I am afraid before too long it will be too late and I won't ever get to feel free. Being overweight is exhausting on all levels. Physical ramifications are obvious, but the mental battles I have are worse. I beat myself up for failing over and over again. I go through phases of being unstoppable and on fire. Then something happens. My body starts fighting me. I get headaches, I breakout like a teenager, I am exhausted, I get nosebleeds, sometimes I get an ulcer. I don't understand it. Its like my hormones go all of out of control.
I worked SO hard during the move. I lifted heavy boxes, furniture, sweated buckets and my body told me everyday how sore and unhappy it was. I didn't get any workouts in. I don't have a new gym and quite frankly my body just couldn't do anymore than it has been. All the exhaustion and hard work didn't burn enough calories. I still managed to gain back all the fat. :(
I am trying a new doctor this month. I am hoping and praying she can help me get the physical side of things under control. My PCOS is just out of control. The BCP I am on isn't working right and it does NOT control my PCOS and Insulin Resistance. I take a boatload of supplements to try and help and they don't seem to work either. :(
In the meantime,  I am shifting my goals a bit. I of course still want and need to lose all this fat. I still ultimately want to compete. I'd love to compete this fall... but for now I am doing a mini goal. I am starting the Couch to 5K program. Its something to be motivated about. Right now I just need to make some progress and feel like I am accomplishing something. I feel like a failure after this last couple of weeks.
I've made huge changes. I've moved, separated from my husband, I've been doing things on my own that I never did before. I guess all the changes and uncertainties are a bit overwhelming. I can only take one day and one step at a time.
I will never give up. I will never stop dreaming. I WILL achieve my goals. I just need to keep taking step after step.