Wednesday, July 15, 2009

A Little Bit Brighter

Tina- Thank YOU!!! You are the best!! Much love to you! You really have no idea how much you impact me and lift me up. <3

Evelyne- Hang tough girl! We can do this!! (((HUGS)))

I had a looooonnnnngggg day today. I'm glad tomorrow is my last day of work. Its been hell. I'm feeling more... chipper? I feel a little brighter today. I ate clean. I skipped my workout, but there is still some time this evening. I was just SO dead this morning. I would have been going through the motions for sure. I just had nothing to give this morning. I was wiped out. I don't feel bad or guilty. I had to respect my body and mind this morning. I feel good about that choice. I usually just flagelate myself into a miserable state. The words of worthlessness and self-hatred usually wash over me. But not today. I am making it a practice to say nice things to myself. I am working hard on stopping the broken soundtrack of my life. No more name calling- I call myself idiot or stupid a lot. I know I am not and would be offended if anyone else said the things I have said to myself. Isn't that just weird? Why the self abuse? I am going to have some self-love mantras along with some other things in my arsenal.

I am longing for my more vegetarian roots. I miss the legumes and fresh produce. I am hating poultry- a lot. I can do eggs and protein powders. I just don't feel good eating this much meat. It really does interfere with my ability to stay on program. Its not that I'm just tired of chicken. I physically can't override my disgust sometimes. I can do a meal or 2 a day if I have to. I can get past it for that. 4-5 meals a day? I just can't. 3 feels like a stretch sometimes. Veggies I can do. I love beans. I need to find appropriate substitutions. I know that sometimes a boring meal plan or eating things that aren't my favorite is part of the game. I'm not silly enough to think that pizza and chipotle will help me lose weight. However, I have to have foods that I can deal with. I feel very pleased when I have an apple for a snack. Fresh fruits are my favorite. I feel compelled to beat myself up for "not being strong enough", but this is of no use. I am me and specially created. I have certain tastes, compassions, beliefs and feelings. My choosing and desiring fresh plants instead of cooked animals is OK. I have nothing against anyone who chooses and or LIKES meat. I have no issues. I simply have MY own preferences. I don't condemn anyone for their choices or preferences. I just need to honor myself.

I am going to start up Yoga again next month. I just feel at home on the mat. Even though I am not that good or strong yet, I love it. It just feels RIGHT. I want to continue the intense weight and cardio sessions. I just want to add Yoga to my activity list.

I feel so positive when I think about honoring myself. I feel like I am on the right path. Hmmm... amazing. :D

I want to say THANK YOU to all my friends who have been with me and supported me so many times along this journey. You really mean a lot to me!

I feel blessed...


Evelyne said...

That's it EXACTLY!!! Fruits and veggies ARE NOT BAD FOR YOU! If that is what satisfies you and it's what YOU like then eat them! You are SOOO on target with this post! LOVE IT! We all must do what makes us happy in the end. It's the only way that we will succeed. You can do this girl! You are on your way now!

Melissa H said...

I am right there with you, Hil. I simply can't go back to eating meat. I was a vegan for a full year and did go back to dairy, eggs and seafood. But meat? No. Can't do it. Bleh. Haven't had it in almost 4 years and people still ask me if I can "eat around" something with meat in it or if I can "just have it once in a while". You are so right that you need to honor yourself.