And here is My Official 2011 List

So the Bucket List remains the same.

The 2011 Goal List is here.

1. Over the course of the year donate 65-70lbs of fat energy and maintain that.
2. Get my own dog! 
3. Take pictures for and make a 2012 Calendar
4. Enter at least 4 photos in the Medina County Fair
5. Build my ViSalus business to the point that I am self-sustaining! National Director
6. Develop photography skills - do more photo shoots and group explorations! At least 6 photo shoots with models/friends and 6 explorations.
7. Develop business plan for photography business
8. Go hiking at least 4x 
9. Go camping at least 2x
10. Become a Tea Connoisseur- learn the art, methodologies, history, etc
    
11. Run a 5K
12. Run a 10K 
13. Raise money for Alzheimer's Research- participate in a Memory Walk
14. Cleanse, De-clutter & Purge un-needed items- SIMPLIFY my life
15. Do PIN UP calendar- as the model!
16. Transition to a more whole foods and vegan diet
17. Watch at least 1 Cary Grant film a month
18. Improve my Photoshop Skills
19. Go on 2 Wine Tours
20. Blog at least 1x a week
21. Go to the Arnold and take lots of pictures!
22. Vacation out of state- NYC, FLA, Portland, or OBX?
23. Do 100 Push Ups
24. Spend more time with family
25. Everyday find at least one thing to be Grateful for. Attitude of Gratitude
26. NO ice cream in 2011
27. Sugar Detox- this will go in line with other parts of the diet shift- but won't coincide with the wine tours!
28. Shop at more Farmer's Markets
29. Grow some herbs and veggies
30. Develop Yoga Practice

Its a big list I guess! Many things will overlap and many are processes that I hope to say I developed and/or completed by this time next year. Somethings are just plain accomplishments with deadlines. I know it seems like a lot but I should be able to accomplish this list. :)

BRING IT 2011!

Reflections on 2010

I am going through my lists of last year. I went through my blog posts. A couple of things stood out to me.

First, I need to blog more! LOL When I blog I tend to stay on fire. I guess I felt like no one was really reading it anyway so I stopped, but I need to keep at it! I was amazed at the things I wrote. As I re-read the posts, I was like - Wow, I wrote that? LOL

Second piece edited out for personal reasons.

Third- Here is my blog post from last year

Bucket List & 2010

So the holiday season has kept me abundantly busy at work. I have been super busy and sick on top of it. Great combination to wipe someone out. During my brief downtimes I came up with a bucket list. I won't accomplish all this in 2010. Its meant to be more of a long term list. I would love to accomplish some select things. I will highlight those...
BUCKET LIST

1. Go Skydiving
2. Ride horses again
3. Photograph in Africa
4. Photograph in Galapagos
5. Compete in Figure/Bikini Contest
6. Learn to fire a gun
7. Take martial arts class (tbd)
8. Learn to ballroom & Latin dance
9. Run a 5k
10. Play the guitar
11. Run my own photography business
12. Do 100 push ups
13. Go to England
14. Go to Italy
15. Make my own pasta from scratch
16. Do pin up calendar
17. Go downhill skiing
18. Accomplish the these yoga poses: Scorpion, Crane, Headstand, Wheel- variations too
19. Own and train dogs
20. Go ice skating in Central Park
21. Visit NYC
22. See the Redwoods in California
23. Visit Portland, OR
24. Hike the Appalachian Trail
25. Do a fitness photoshoot- as the model not photographer!

2010 Goals-

1. Hit goal weight
2. MAINTAIN healthy goal weight. (may fluctuate from comp weight)
3. Compete with my Diva friends in at least one show.
4. Do fitness photoshoot as model
5. Do pin up calendar
6. Do photoshoots for friends and new clients
7. Go skydiving
8. Increase Photoshop skills
9. Get more photography equipment
10. Go hiking and camping at least 3x !
11. Enter photos in contests
12. Go on at least 1 wine tour
13. Do 2010 Calendar
14. Run a 5k
15. Learn one ballroom dance
16. Go ice skating in central park (this may have to wait til Jan 2011 depending on my job situation)
17. Consume more organic foods
18. Be more environmentally friendly
19. Learn more about Alzheimer's
20. Put scrapbook together for my grandma (to help her with her struggle with Alzheimer's)


I'll say that I didn't accomplish all that much on my list. :( I did accomplish a lot not on the list though. I have 2011 already ramped up to achieve quite a bit off the Bucket List and Goal List. New Goal List coming soon. I just thought it was good to reflect on 2010 first.

I really did learn a lot this year. Even though I didn't make all my goals it sure wasn't a wasted year.

Motivational Quotes...

"We are repeatedly what we do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."— Aristotle

"Chase down your passion like it's the last bus of the night." ~ Glade Byron Addams 

I'm feeling great. More energy and really excited about the direction my life is headed.

Life is GOOD. :)

Day TWO of my ViSalus 90 Day Challenge

Day Two is here!! :)

Day One was a success!
I ate healthy and I wasn't starving all day. These shakes taste wonderful and they are filling. The nutrition packed into them is amazing and it makes me feel good to know I am getting quality nutrients.
I discovered Coconut Milk last night!!! OH MY! It was like heaven! I used frozen peaches, coconut milk and blended it up in my magic bullet. SUPER YUMMO!!! It was like ice cream! This morning I used bananas and ice and it was much more drinkable instead of eatable. :P Frozen bananas would have made it like ice cream again.

I have more energy today. Not sure what its from, but I'm rolling with it! It feels awesome to feel good!

Day ONE of my ViSalus 90 Day Challenge

DAY ONE!

Day One is always a good day. Fresh start, new program. It always feels good to me. It feels like I get a new chance to make my dreams and goals happen. On the down side, it means pictures. I hate taking pictures and measurements. I know I will be proud of the changes I make but UGH!
It hurts to look at where I am. I have to accept that I let myself go, that I was hurting and the only way I made myself feel better was with food. I have to accept that I hid away, slept a lot and that meant not exercising much at all. It hurts to face the pains that brought me to this place, but its okay. I'm safe and and filled with hope. My current state of being is only temporary. I will change my body with proper nutrition and exercise. I will also love it for keeping me safe, being strong enough to carry the extra baggage when my mind and heart couldn't. 
Today is DAY ONE of an awesome opportunity. I GET TO make healthy choices. I GET TO be positive. I GET TO track my progress from this point forward. And one day I will GET TO be an inspiration hopefully to someone else. I GET TO use my weight loss and health building to encourage others and earn income while doing it. Today, I start a new chapter that will lead to many more positive chapters in my life!

My SUPER YUMMY ViSalus shake this morning was an Eggnog Shake. I used a raw egg in it (I guess I've never been afraid of that....) pumpkin pie spice, almond milk, ice cubes and 2 scoops of Vi-Shape powder.  It was SOOO fantastic and filling!

Starting Measurements:
Weight- 206
Chest- 41" / 38" (across breasts / above)
Waist- 31" ( this one is particularly painful!)
Hips/Butt- 46" / 48"
Thighs- widest and above knee - 30" / 21"
Arms-13.25"
Calves-15"

I am resisting the urge to bawl my eyes out and begin a tirade of hateful self flagellation. Instead I am saying thanks to my body for the good blood work I had, for not failing me despite my failing to care for it properly and for protecting me the best way it knew how. The transformation and healing have begun. I can't wait to post the end results on Day 91. You won't see pics until then!

If anyone wants to join in, check it out:

Love Your Body

So yesterday was Love Your Body Day. NOW (National Organization for Women) declares a day in October as Love Your Body Day.  Check out this quiz and see how you do...
 

I'm always so hard on myself and my sense of worth is directly related to how I feel about my body. So I decided that I would list some reasons to LOVE my body instead of endlessly focusing on it's flaws.

Reasons to LOVE my body-

1. It is still working after all the abuse I dish out!
2. I have all limbs and faculties in place!
3. I have a nice smile
4. I have a great and inviting laugh (I am told you can't help laughing when I laugh)
5. My muscles gain strength easily
6. At peak, I have a great hourglass shape. Even under the fluff its there though, so I'm including it!
7. I have a keen and discerning sense of smell.
8. I have nice hair.
9. I have attractive hands.
10. My body constantly regenerates- out with the old dying cells and in with the new! Its amazing what our bodies do!

This was harder than I initially thought it would be. My mind threw out a bunch of negatives immediately because those things are practiced and said over and over. I am committing to saying 3 positive things about my body each day. I certainly have less desirable things happening with my body right now, but I will make it a practice each day to focus on the good things and be thankful!

Eat Clean Diet Makeover Challenge!

I have decided that I must walk before I run. I can't sprint my way through a marathon.
If I am totally honest with myself. this weight is more about emotional hang ups and poor coping strategies more than it is about loving food. I do love food. Don't get me wrong! LOL

Lately I have been depressed from moving and being in an environment that I am not happy in. I sleep a lot- I feel so tired! I have also been eating more. More junk! My "cheats" have a high caloric impact. I've really tripped myself up and now I'm just feeling sad. I'm sad I have to work so hard to like myself. I'm sad I've let myself get this way again. I'm sad I never reached my goals.


In an effort to stop trying to sprint through a marathon- where I always end up falling apart, I am signing up for a challenge that has a great time frame to work with. I am entering the 3rd Annual Eat Clean Diet Makeover Challenge! Aside from reaching my physique and eating habits goals, I will also win a trip to Toronto for a photo shoot! A one hour consult with Tosca Reno! AND $3000! I am going to win. And I am going to win by changing my mindset. My relationship with food will change and so will my relationship with myself.

I'm very excited about this. I have to do pictures and measurements. So officially I won't start until Thursday. Unless I can figure out how to get pictures done sooner. It also gives me some time to get some more groceries in the house and meals prepared.

I am a winner! And I want to make this transformation! I WILL SUCCEED!

What I am working on...

I'm really a slacker on this blogging! 

I needed a break from a lot of things, so I took it. 

I've been doing a lot of soul searching this year. My heart and soul have been broken and beaten down. I've not known which directions to go, I've been unsure of myself, and the layer of protective fat has come off and been put back on like a fearful child wrapping themselves in a security blanket. This journey is so much more than just "sucking it up" and eating what you should, exercise when you should and not doing or eating the things you shouldn't. I've uncovered a lot about myself. What I've come up with is that I can't beat myself into a different place. I only end up more wounded. I am battered by the world, I don't need to follow the same methods! I need to love myself. I need to accept myself. Sometimes my superiors are shocked when they see how hard I am on myself and until very recently I didn't see why they were surprised. My standards for myself are high- at many times rigid and unattainable. 

When I fail to live up to these standards the internal lashings begin. I was told from an early age that I needed to be better. The messages sent to me either directly or indirectly was:  

1- I was in the way. 

2- My needs were always a burden. Other people were more important.

3- I needed to be the best to have any worth or value. 

4- Creative skills were nice but I wouldn't get anywhere in life with them.  I would never make any money.

5- "You're nothing but a bratty tomboy. You'll never grow up to be anything."   

Yes, number 5 is true. It was spoken to me by my FIRST GRADE teacher. I've run from that statement my whole life. I buried that one deep but its there. It has haunted me. The reason the teacher went psycho on me is really unknown. I was in an advanced reading section with other students and I was reading out loud and stumbled on a word. I don't know why she freaked but apparently that was the trigger. And PS- nothing shows other kids that something is okay like an adult doing that thing. The rest of my elementary school experience was awful. Five more years of torment and lack of friends. 

I guess I shouldn't wonder why I've always been worried about what people think of me and if they are being genuine. Trust issues? Yeah, just a little. I hate always wondering if I'm acceptable. And in the end, I often choose to not accept myself. So even if others do accept me, I still struggle to accept myself. Good and bad... 

I'm coming to terms with the messages I heard when I was young. I unfortunately added them into my internal dialogue and over the years, the variations of hateful messages I have said to myself have compounded. 

I have gifts in the creative arts. I am grateful for them. I am thankful for having the ability to see things in the light that I do. It is hard for me to not rip apart my photographs for what they ARE NOT, but I am slowly coming to love what they ARE. As for making money? Well, If I had tackled some of this long ago, I am sure I would be making money using the creative gifts I was given. One day I will and I will knock that message clear out of my mind. 

I still put everyone before myself. If I do take something for myself- time, an extra cookie at Christmas, whatever... I feel guilty. I feel bad for having something that someone else doesn't. I received a very prestigious award at work last quarter. I was in the TOP 10 of the Region. We have over 500 reps. I was so very proud of this but downplayed it so others wouldn't be upset. Seeing other people happy makes me feel good. Over the years I have learned though, that not everyone puts everyone else first. So if I don't make choices to put my needs first, I may find myself trampled on. And I have been trampled on a lot!!

So I have a ton to work on. But I know that with LOVE I can do this. Really it boils down to loving myself and being okay with that. I need to believe in myself. 

A work in progress I am. 

More fitness related posts later, but this one I needed to write out.

Little Fire for Friday

Changes in Progress

So things will be in limbo for a bit here. I'm going to try and get my new layout completed soon. iPhone really launches tomorrow, so that will suck up 2 days of my life. Not thrilled, but what can ya do?

I gained back 11  pounds in the last month and a half. How??- by not being active. Food hasn't been top notch either. Moving- exercise- is SO key. My body needs activity. Periods of pure exhaustion, having headaches, hormone freakouts... I have to find a way to overcome these. They happen. And I have to assume for now that they will always happen. Am I going to just sit back every time? Every time it happens, I retreat. I'm just going to have to push through them. As crappy as I feel.
Who's in charge here? ME or MY EMOTIONS? I'm sure there are times where I just need to rest, but when I can push, I must. The way I feel dictates too much of my life. I need to start operating on knowledge not feelings. I won't ignore my intuition... but I have to achieve some balance here.

I missed a week of C25K. Between uncooperative weather and work mayhem... I really need to get into a gym. Money is super tight right now, so hopefully next payday. I was progressing nicely. I am hoping to jump back into it soon. Maybe tonight. I did my 100 push ups program today.

100 Push Ups Program
Day One- 50 total

Going for 100% on the meals today.  Hopefully I can check in tomorrow with that as a success.

These are Great One Liners!

Love these...

John Wooden’s All-Time Best One-Liners

There are no shortcuts
Always be progressing
Give it away to get it back
If you wish to be heard, listen
Laugh with others, never at them
Never mistake activity for achievement
Nothing is stronger than gentleness
Persistence is stronger than failure
There is no substitute for hard work
We get stronger when we test ourselves
Happiness begins where selfishness ends
You are more influential than you think
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail
Discipline yourself and others won’t need to
Learn from the past, don't live in the past
Fear no opponent but respect every opponent
Hard work is the difference. Very hard work
Take what’s available and make the most of it
You never fail if you know you did your best
When you are through learning, you are through
What is right is more important than who is right
The time to make friends is before you need them
The worthy opponent brings out the very best in you
There is a price to be paid for achieving anything
You can do more good by being good than any other way
The difficult challenge provides the best opportunity
Once the opportunity arises, its too late to prepare
Greatness is being your best when your best is needed
Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating
The smallest good deed is better than the best intention
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation
Tell the truth, that way you dont have to remember a story
Everybody has a suggestion, not everybody has a decision
For every artificial peak you create, there is a valley
Be interested in finding the best way, not in having your own way
Time spent getting even would be better spent trying to get ahead
Being average means you’re as close to the bottom as you are to the top
Ability can get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there
You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you react
Much can be accomplished when no one is concerned about who gets the credit
Spend too much time learning tricks of the trade and you may never learn the trade

Moving Update and Reflections

So the move is over. It was E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-N-G!!! 

I did so much by myself and I didn't get a uhaul until the last day. That was a mistake. Too many little trips. This process has been hard on me mentally and physically. My body is still aching. My joints hurt a lot. I felt like I was PMSing the whole time. I didn't get enough protein in. I didn't eat often and the meals I did eat weren't always the best. I gained 6lbs during the last 2 weeks. It feels more like 16. :(
As I was packing and unpacking I found various meal plans, diet programs, journals, new years resolutions. Every resolution had lose weight, get healthy, exercise more, dance, learn sign language, and pose/ create a pin up calendar for my husband, learn to be more trusting. For the last 8 years... my goals have been the same. Every year is THE YEAR to make the changes happen and yet every year I repeat the same list. :(
Its not like I don't want to reach my goals. I want to live unencumbered by my body. I am afraid before too long it will be too late and I won't ever get to feel free. Being overweight is exhausting on all levels. Physical ramifications are obvious, but the mental battles I have are worse. I beat myself up for failing over and over again. I go through phases of being unstoppable and on fire. Then something happens. My body starts fighting me. I get headaches, I breakout like a teenager, I am exhausted, I get nosebleeds, sometimes I get an ulcer. I don't understand it. Its like my hormones go all of out of control.
I worked SO hard during the move. I lifted heavy boxes, furniture, sweated buckets and my body told me everyday how sore and unhappy it was. I didn't get any workouts in. I don't have a new gym and quite frankly my body just couldn't do anymore than it has been. All the exhaustion and hard work didn't burn enough calories. I still managed to gain back all the fat. :(
I am trying a new doctor this month. I am hoping and praying she can help me get the physical side of things under control. My PCOS is just out of control. The BCP I am on isn't working right and it does NOT control my PCOS and Insulin Resistance. I take a boatload of supplements to try and help and they don't seem to work either. :(
In the meantime,  I am shifting my goals a bit. I of course still want and need to lose all this fat. I still ultimately want to compete. I'd love to compete this fall... but for now I am doing a mini goal. I am starting the Couch to 5K program. Its something to be motivated about. Right now I just need to make some progress and feel like I am accomplishing something. I feel like a failure after this last couple of weeks.
I've made huge changes. I've moved, separated from my husband, I've been doing things on my own that I never did before. I guess all the changes and uncertainties are a bit overwhelming. I can only take one day and one step at a time.
I will never give up. I will never stop dreaming. I WILL achieve my goals. I just need to keep taking step after step.

Sugar....

Its not like I really need to do research on sugar to know its not good for me. I am going on a Sugar Strike. I'll blog more as I get details on how I plan to accomplish eliminating sugar (processed, artificial- not natural carbs). I will share my experiences- some of which I don't expect to be pleasant. I'm quite sure I'll be detoxing.
So for now I leave you with a list I found from My Sugar Free Life


Not Enough Reasons?
146 Reasons Why Sugar Is Ruining Your Health

By Nancy Appleton, Ph.D.

1. Sugar can suppress the immune system.
2. Sugar upsets the mineral relationships in the body.
3. Sugar can cause hyperactivity, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, and crankiness in children.
4. Sugar can produce a significant rise in triglycerides.
5. Sugar contributes to the reduction in defense against bacterial infection (infectious diseases).
6. Sugar causes a loss of tissue elasticity and function, the more sugar you eat the more elasticity and function you loose.
7. Sugar reduces high density lipoproteins.
8. Sugar leads to chromium deficiency.
9 Sugar leads to cancer of the ovaries.
10. Sugar can increase fasting levels of glucose.
11. Sugar causes copper deficiency.
12. Sugar interferes with absorption of calcium and magnesium.
13. Sugar can weaken eyesight.
14. Sugar raises the level of a neurotransmitters: dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine.
15. Sugar can cause hypoglycemia.
16. Sugar can produce an acidic digestive tract.
17. Sugar can cause a rapid rise of adrenaline levels in children.
18. Sugar malabsorption is frequent in patients with functional bowel disease.
19. Sugar can cause premature aging.
20. Sugar can lead to alcoholism.
21. Sugar can cause tooth decay.
22. Sugar contributes to obesity
23. High intake of sugar increases the risk of Crohn's disease, and ulcerative colitis.
24. Sugar can cause changes frequently found in person with gastric or duodenal ulcers.
25. Sugar can cause arthritis.
26. Sugar can cause asthma.
27. Sugar greatly assists the uncontrolled growth of Candida Albicans (yeast infections).
28. Sugar can cause gallstones.
29. Sugar can cause heart disease.
30. Sugar can cause appendicitis.
31. Sugar can cause multiple sclerosis.
32. Sugar can cause hemorrhoids.
33. Sugar can cause varicose veins.
34. Sugar can elevate glucose and insulin responses in oral contraceptive users.
35. Sugar can lead to periodontal disease.
36. Sugar can contribute to osteoporosis.
37. Sugar contributes to saliva acidity.
38. Sugar can cause a decrease in insulin sensitivity.
39. Sugar can lower the amount of Vitamin E (alpha-Tocopherol in the blood.
40. Sugar can decrease growth hormone.
41. Sugar can increase cholesterol.
42. Sugar can increase the systolic blood pressure.
43. Sugar can cause drowsiness and decreased activity in children.
44. High sugar intake increases advanced glycation end products (AGEs)(Sugar bound non-enzymatically to protein)
45. Sugar can interfere with the absorption of protein.
46. Sugar causes food allergies.
47. Sugar can contribute to diabetes.
48. Sugar can cause toxemia during pregnancy.
49. Sugar can contribute to eczema in children.
50. Sugar can cause cardiovascular disease.
51. Sugar can impair the structure of DNA
52. Sugar can change the structure of protein.
53. Sugar can make our skin age by changing the structure of collagen.
54. Sugar can cause cataracts.
55. Sugar can cause emphysema.
56. Sugar can cause atherosclerosis.
57. Sugar can promote an elevation of low density lipoproteins (LDL).
58. High sugar intake can impair the physiological homeostasis of many systems in the body.
59. Sugar lowers the enzymes ability to function.
60. Sugar intake is higher in people with Parkinson’s disease.
61. Sugar can cause a permanent altering the way the proteins act in the body.
62. Sugar can increase the size of the liver by making the liver cells divide.
63. Sugar can increase the amount of liver fat.
64. Sugar can increase kidney size and produce pathological changes in the kidney.
65. Sugar can damage the pancreas.
66. Sugar can increase the body's fluid retention.
67. Sugar is enemy #1 of the bowel movement.
68. Sugar can cause myopia (nearsightedness).
69. Sugar can compromise the lining of the capillaries.
70. Sugar can make the tendons more brittle.
71. Sugar can cause headaches, including migraine.
72. Sugar plays a role in pancreatic cancer in women.
73. Sugar can adversely affect school children's grades and cause learning disorders..
74. Sugar can cause an increase in delta, alpha, and theta brain waves.
75. Sugar can cause depression.
76. Sugar increases the risk of gastric cancer.
77. Sugar and cause dyspepsia (indigestion).
78. Sugar can increase your risk of getting gout.
79. Sugar can increase the levels of glucose in an oral glucose tolerance test over the ingestion of complex carbohydrates.
80. Sugar can increase the insulin responses in humans consuming high-sugar diets compared to low sugar diets.
81 High refined sugar diet reduces learning capacity.
82. Sugar can cause less effective functioning of two blood proteins, albumin, and lipoproteins, which may reduce the body’s ability to handle fat and cholesterol.
83. Sugar can contribute to Alzheimer’s disease.
84. Sugar can cause platelet adhesiveness.
85. Sugar can cause hormonal imbalance; some hormones become underactive and others become overactive.
86. Sugar can lead to the formation of kidney stones.
87. Sugar can lead to the hypothalamus to become highly sensitive to a large variety of stimuli.
88. Sugar can lead to dizziness.
89. Diets high in sugar can cause free radicals and oxidative stress.
90. High sucrose diets of subjects with peripheral vascular disease significantly increases platelet adhesion.
91. High sugar diet can lead to biliary tract cancer.
92. Sugar feeds cancer.
93. High sugar consumption of pregnant adolescents is associated with a twofold increased risk for delivering a small-for-gestational-age (SGA) infant.
94. High sugar consumption can lead to substantial decrease in gestation duration among adolescents.
95. Sugar slows food's travel time through the gastrointestinal tract.
96. Sugar increases the concentration of bile acids in stools and bacterial enzymes in the colon. This can modify bile to produce cancer-causing compounds and colon cancer.
97. Sugar increases estradiol (the most potent form of naturally occurring estrogen) in men.
98. Sugar combines and destroys phosphatase, an enzyme, which makes the process of digestion more difficult.
99. Sugar can be a risk factor of gallbladder cancer.
100. Sugar is an addictive substance.
101. Sugar can be intoxicating, similar to alcohol.
102. Sugar can exacerbate PMS.
103. Sugar given to premature babies can affect the amount of carbon dioxide they produce.
104. Decrease in sugar intake can increase emotional stability.
105. The body changes sugar into 2 to 5 times more fat in the bloodstream than it does starch.
106. The rapid absorption of sugar promotes excessive food intake in obese subjects.
107. Sugar can worsen the symptoms of children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
108. Sugar adversely affects urinary electrolyte composition.
109. Sugar can slow down the ability of the adrenal glands to function.
110. Sugar has the potential of inducing abnormal metabolic processes in a normal healthy individual and to promote chronic degenerative diseases.
111.. I.Vs (intravenous feedings) of sugar water can cut off oxygen to the brain.
112. High sucrose intake could be an important risk factor in lung cancer.
113. Sugar increases the risk of polio.
114. High sugar intake can cause epileptic seizures.
115. Sugar causes high blood pressure in obese people.
116. In Intensive Care Units, limiting sugar saves lives.
117. Sugar may induce cell death.
118. Sugar can increase the amount of food that you eat.
119. In juvenile rehabilitation camps, when children were put on a low sugar diet, there was a 44% drop in antisocial behavior.
120. Sugar can lead to prostrate cancer.
121. Sugar dehydrates newborns.
122. Sugar increases the estradiol in young men.
123. Sugar can cause low birth weight babies.
124. Greater consumption of refined sugar is associated with a worse outcome of schizophrenia
125. Sugar can raise homocysteine levels in the blood stream.
126. Sweet food items increase the risk of breast cancer.
127. Sugar is a risk factor in cancer of the small intestine.
128. Sugar may cause laryngeal cancer.
129. Sugar induces salt and water retention.
130. Sugar may contribute to mild memory loss.
131. As sugar increases in the diet of 10 years olds, there is a linear decrease in the intake of many essential nutrients.
132. Sugar can increase the total amount of food consumed.
133. Exposing a newborn to sugar results in a heightened preference for sucrose relative to water at 6 months and 2 years of age.
134. Sugar causes constipation.
135. Sugar causes varicous veins.
136. Sugar can cause brain decay in prediabetic and diabetic women.
137. Sugar can increase the risk of stomach cancer.
138. Sugar can cause metabolic syndrome.
139. Sugar ingestion by pregnant women increases neural tube defects in embryos.
140. Sugar can be a factor in asthma.
141. The higher the sugar consumption the more chances of getting irritable bowel syndrome.
142. Sugar could affect central reward systems.
143. Sugar can cause cancer of the rectum.
144. Sugar can cause endometrial cancer.
145. Sugar can cause renal (kidney) cell carcinoma.
146. Sugar can cause liver tumors.

Love this prescription for the scale....

Reprinted from another thread, but here is Dr. Char's prescription for banishing the scale-weight blues:

1. Eat large meal of clean food for energy. E/C stack optional.

2. Take scale and toss (through window) onto front lawn.

3. Fall to knees; beat scale with tire iron. Attempt to set PR for invective. Ignore staring neighbors.

4. Put scale into trunk of car; drive at high speed to nearest large garbage dump.

5. Take scale out of trunk; hurl into putrid pit of rotting food and coffee grinds.

6. Pay sweaty fat man with "CAT" cap to run his front-loader over scale several dozen times.

7. Take molotov cocktail (prepared earlier) from glove compartment; light and hurl onto remains of scale.

8. Dance mad jig around resulting bonfire. Insane cackling and kettlebells for additional GPP work optional.

9. Drive back to home at more sedate speed. Try for feeling that you have after really good sex.

10. Eat second clean meal. Between bites, chant "Free at last, free at last! Great god almighty, FREE AT LAST!!!!"

Really? An update?!? :P It's a DOOZIE. Plus pics!

SOOOO SORRY for being such a slacker!
February was a rough month mentally and physically. Got kicked down by an infection that just wouldn't die. Had to back to the doctor, got stabbed in the butt by Helga the Viking nurse and gained back some weight from the steroid shot. I dropped the weight back and lost more.

Split up with the husband Wednesday before the Arnold, went to the Arnold on Thursday and Friday- had a blast with the girls. THANK YOU for helping me stay sane! I am sad, but more relieved and happy since the split. It was such a tough thing to do- in fact the hardest thing I have ever done. It was the right decision though. It may not be a permanent separation, though it is starting to feel that way. I've been so happy and I have felt so free. One thing I did learn was that I definitely eat when angry. When anxious, I can't eat. I just gagged on food. This is a huge learning experience.
Since the Arnold, I have been on plan and happy. I started with Erik from Leanbodies and I'm looking forward to seeing where we go from here. I am feeling like I can be me. I feel at home in the gym now. I'm changing so much and learning so much about myself. I still feel sad at times, but the strength that I have been building up over these last 5 years is amazing and its carrying me through. Its amazing how you don't know what you are made of until you are tested. I'm stronger than I ever thought I was.

Watching the Pros at the Arnold made me realize a few things. First- you can't be afraid of the judges. Look at them, acknowledge them- work them! Second- the Pro's don't work so hard to pose. They just do it. They were all so graceful and they looked relaxed. They were all gorgeous and they just worked their poses like anyone else smiles, blinks or walks. They just did it. It looked SO natural. 

Here are my shots. :)

Calendar Update-- January Complete!

Well, I got 31 days under my belt before the most horrendous infection took over my body. I have been coughing for almost a week. I have sinus congestion so bad that I can't even get the neti pot to work. The water goes nowhere! I think I *might* be turning the corner... :) *crossing fingers*
Anyway, the sickness derailed me a bit. I haven't overeaten. I just had way more carbs than I'd like. I basically have lived off of soup and crackers. I haven't been hungry but I've tried to get some veggies in. I stayed mostly on plan today. Ended up with soup for dinner since my antibiotics and lunch didn't go well at all. These meds have torn my stomach up... I'll be glad when I am done with them AND this stupid infection. Apparently it is known to be a long one. I don't wish it on anyone.

I reached two goals in January. Well make that THREE.
1.- I fit into my wedding set again!
2- I dropped the 15lbs I was shooting to lose!
3- I ate clean for 31 days! NO artificial garbage, lots of veggies... It was truly an amazing experience to see how I changed. My mind is different!

I know that the next couple of months will have moments where I'll want junk. Social times do that. BUT I know I am stronger and healthier for eliminating the junk. The soup from this bout of sickness had NO MSG. I guess that's good. I just didn't have the energy or stomach for much of anything else. Tomorrow no soup. Back on plan 100%. That means I need to eat more meals. I barely got 3 in. I just didn't want to eat. I guess it could be my body working hard to fight off the infection. Digesting food takes away energy....

Anyway... here is my pretty calendar. Complete with stars galore! February's calendar has heart stickers!!

Great Inspiration

I knew a lot of this story from Julie, but I wanted to put up a link. Julie was so dedicated she shed the baby weight and even NURSED her son between rounds on stage! 

Meet Julie Lohre 

Tenacious Thursday!

Tenacious; adjective;
Definition: strong, unyielding
Synonyms: adamant, bound, clinging, coherent, cohesive, determined, dogged, fast, firm, forceful, inflexible, intransigent, iron, meaning business, mulish, obdurate, obstinate, persevering, persistent, persisting, pertinacious, possessive, purposeful, relentless, resolute, retentive, set, solid, spunky, stalwart, staunch, steadfast, stout, strong-willed, stubborn, sturdy, sure, tight, tough, true, unforgetful, unshakable, unswerving

Antonyms: surrendering, weak, yielding

Don't yield to your circumstances. BE TENACIOUS!!

Calendar Update

So this is what my calendar looks like so far. :)  SO happy with my progress and determination!

Struggling to stay on track?? (not me this time!)

So I still battle the sugar monster- its typically bad on Monday after the re-feed. I want more carbs.I am not lacking for food in my diet, but its always interesting to see how my body responds- but even more interesting is my mind.

When I think back on why I have struggled, there is ALWAYS some emotional tie. In the recent years (and this has LONG been a habit dating back to high school) I "medicated" with food. Whatever sugary or salty fix that would pump up the endorphins and make me feel less crappy about life I would consume. I found that anger was the biggest fuel. Feeling the lack of control in other situations, feeling neglected or rejected meant "loving ME" by eating. Ben & Jerry sure loved me, right? The bliss in my mouth soon became shame, more anger, frustration and hopelessness. The times I tried to stick with programs, I was successful for short bursts, but I never dealt with all the emotional components. This thing called weight loss (I prefer fat loss); this journey to be healthier is so much more than eating the right foods and doing the right workouts. It is absolutely imperative to break the emotional ties we have to food. Certain foods are comforting. They remind us of times in our lives, people, memories... The worst part though, is the physical reactions that take place. Peanut butter and chocolate have an unnatural power over me. LOL There are lots of associations for things in my life, but there is a very real physical reaction when I eat that combo that calls out for more! Breaking the emotional tie is the first and biggest step, but there is a fight to release the physical addiction as well.
Don't be fooled into thinking that just sheer will power alone will help you eat right. It does take a lot of that! It is a mind over matter issue! You have to be strong, but you have to have ammo for the physical too. WATER. Drinking water, eating veggies, exercising. These things can help keep the temptations weak. In the end you have to choose, but it helps to know what you are really up against. Break the emotional ties first. Then be prepared for the physical ties and this journey gets a little bit easier.

I am staying aware of what I am wanting and why. It has now come down to I want a strong, healthy and thinner body and I want it more than the short term fixes that junky food offers. I'm not saying I never want something unhealthy, but as each day progresses, I am feeling stronger and wanting my healthy foods more than anything.

Please, if you can...

I know times are tough. If you can spare anything...  Donate to Alzheimer's Association on my behalf for my birthday wish....

Visualization is KEY

When I think back on all the things I accomplished in high school, the main theme is that I saw myself accomplishing those goals. No one told me I had to visualize my goals coming true. Somehow, I had some confidence- perhaps I was just a cocky teenager? I was determined. Absolutely willful in everything I did. I'm quite sure my parents wanted to choke me at times. Haha. The point is, I was determined to succeed- to get whatever it was I wanted. I SAW those accomplishments before they happened. I FELT them. I had some frivolous goals- like winning the AFJROTC Military Ball Queen. Why? I don't know. I just really wanted it. I guess it was something that I thought would make me special. So... I saw myself winning. I felt that tiara on my head, the sash over my dress and the smile on my face when I won. Notice I said WHEN.  Sure I had moments of doubt and fear, but I spent more time focusing on winning. Same thing for first chair position in band, becoming a drum major, honor guard captain, creating a mounted horse unit for an opening ceremony for a drill meet, organizing a huge food drive that was amazingly successful... if I think about those accomplishments, I SAW and FELT success.  

That vision and feeling is what I've been lacking in a lot of my adult life. When I go for job interviews, I have that same determination and vision, but elsewhere is when I struggle. Life in general is good at smacking you around. If you don't hold fast to those dreams and visions, you can easily be led astray into the cloudy muck or daily surviving. People you meet in life aren't always nice. But there are plenty of nice and encouraging people out there. Those are the people to surround yourself with. Surrounding myself with like-minded and positive people have helped me so often. 

Pauline's blog gives me the kick in the butt I need. The Co-Diva Forums give me the friendship and positive feedback, my blog and blogging friends provide information and friendship... environment makes a difference. But the KEY in all of this- Visualization. I MUST see and feel success. So far its working great. I refuse to see myself as tired and frumpy and angry. I see myself as strong, slender, at peace... I see myself as determined and successful. I see my tiny waist and my strong, robust shoulders. I feel my shoulders growing when I work them. I see myself smiling and full of grace as I pose. I feel great and my body is responding...  

TRY IT!!

Jam Packed Post Ahead!! Greek Yogurt & Headphones!

First- personal progress updates.

December 28th is when I started my first clean eating day. I weighed in at 201.8. I am ashamed that I let myself get to that point again, but I know the path and emotions that got me there and I am no longer walking that path. I started following the Fighter Diet that I purchased. I only purchased the one week program because honestly, I've been on a tight budget. So I set off with high hopes and extreme determination.

January 1- I weighed in after only 4 days. My whole point in doing that was that I was starting a fresh year and Fridays are a better weigh in day since my re-feeds are Sundays. 197.4 . - 4.4lbs  Baby! 

I was worried about how this new plan was going to go. I had to alter it a bit because of the fish portion. I don't know that I have a true allergy, but I get terrible heartburn and fish burps for hours after. I hate the taste anyway. I tried and tried to get over the taste but in the end, the heartburn and fish burps did it in. So I subbed in LF chicken breasts in the bigger meals and Greek yogurt for one of the meals each day. This has obviously worked fine. Its about nutrient ratios and calories, so I did my best to make sure I was hitting those. So I weighed in today... 193.2 !  -4.2! WooHoo! Total  - 8.6  I'm on fire! :)

In Summary:

Dec 28th- 201.8

Jan 1st -   197.4

Jan 8th -   193.2

So far- - 8.6lbs! 

Okay, I have to share a few more things.

I am a fan of  FAGE Greek Yogurt.  It is definitely good and good for you. I want to give props to Stonyfield Farm though. Oikos Organic Greek Yogurt is fabulous!!! I didn't even know they had such a thing! I have gotten lots of their regular cow yogurt over the years and I love that they are an organic farm. This was such a great surprise. I went to a different grocery store in a pinch and discovered these gems. They have single serves, 4-packs and pints. I am a huge fan of the 4-packs- lower in calories although they do have some sugar from the fruit if you get that kind. I add in half a scoop of protein powder and its perfect! 25g protein and 12g carbs. Plain is much lower in carbs- coming in at only 5g. These are perfect treats. You feel like you are cheating with something bad, but they are so healthy!  Why Greek Yogurt? "Greek yogurt has an incredibly rich and creamy texture, about twice the protein of regular yogurt, less lactose, and fewer carbs."

So yeah, if your meal plan allows- I HIGHLY recommend trying Stonyfield Farm's Oikos Organic Greek Yogurt!

My next new favorite product- Altec Lansing/Plantronics 903 BackBeat wireless headphones. They are  Bluetooth headphones so your music device needs to have that capability. I use my iPhone which has a built in iPod.  I can't even begin to express my joy at using these! The sound quality is fantastic. They are lightweight, easy to use, comfortable- even for my small ears, and most importantly there is freedom in having no wires- anywhere. No cords out or inside your shirt. Nothing to untangle... I don't do well with cords, so these are perfect!! Plus they stay on my head when I am doing jumping jacks, jump rope and running. I believe there is another model- the 906 that has a Bluetooth transmitter so if your device doesn't have Bluetooth in it already you can get the other model and still take advantage of these awesome headphones!! I see that some people have reviewed these and gotten defective ones. I haven't had any issues. Hope I don't. I got mine from the AT&T store. They do carry a one year warranty, so if something goes wrong I can bring them back. Overall the reviews for these earpieces are great.

Suit?

I love, love, love this suit... 

Happy New Year!

Wishing everyone a fantastic New Year. Forget the past regrets. Move forward with determination and fervor.

This year is my year. I am declaring victory over obstacles and the achievement of dreams.

I woke up this morning to a kind scale. I am down 4lbs from Monday. I have been so diligent in my diet. I was so please to see this change! I was really weighing in for my 2010 start. My calendar is ready to rock with stars. I have the last 4 days of December filled up. Creating my own calendar took things to the next level and that really made it even more special. It's more important to do it right now more than ever.

My birthday is in 2 weeks. My goal is to be down 8lbs or more. I am keeping my precious muscle. I am eating on schedule and consuming enough protein. I am so pumped. I know that my dreams are coming true this year. I can feel it. I am determined and I can SEE it. I really can envision my success- my accomplishments are real.

On top of the hundreds of things I want to accomplish, I am going to make a special effort to pause each day in gratitude. I had a rough 2009. I sure wasn't alone in that, but I made it. I made it to another year, another decade. That's just the start....