Monday, June 8, 2009

Major FAIL


Sometimes I just want to call myself an asshole. Really. I just had a major FAIL about 2 minutes ago. Hubs and I are in really rocky place and I just freaked out hardcore. I fought and fought. I chugged 3/4 of a liter of water and paced around the house I tried lifting weights. No go. I'm too embarrassed to call my trainer and tell him I'm a big fat loser. I couldn't choke down vegetables. I *had* to have chocolate. I don't keep anything tempting in the house. My husband, however, does. He's skinny as a rail and it doesn't matter what the hell he eats. I found his CoCo Roos. I thought just a small handful would be enough to calm the rage in my mind. I was freaking possessed by the need for chocolate. Yeah. So much for a handful. Damnit.
I'm not in a good place right now. At all. I'm so mad at myself. I'm sure all my hard work has been undone. It works like that with my body. 1 screw up and its all over. Starting from scratch. *sigh* I'm starting to feel like- "Why bother??" I hate that I just can't seem to get over this.
I know this is strongly associated with my relationship. Maybe it is time. :(

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