The Gap

Love this! Definitely working on The Gap for fitness AND my photography gig

http://alwyncosgrove.com/2011/03/the-gap/

This has made me feel better about myself lately... I wonder why I struggle so much with that...



Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
drifting through the wind
wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
like a house of cards,
one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Back from the Arnold

I'm back from the Arnold and I've done all the picture editing I'm going to do for now. I took about 1,000 pictures!

I had a wonderful time meeting up with the Divas. I wish we had more hangout time. I was busy being photographer and didn't get as much quality time. Boo. It was still great to meet everyone new and see some familiar faces too. :)

I realized a few things. First- I MUST get the fat girl mentality out of my head. If I see myself as the fact chic then fat chic I will stay. No more of that.  Second- my passion really is photography. I'm scared of failing. People say I have talent. I might agree I have talent, but my skill set is lacking. I figure things out on the fly. I have adjusted  and learned some things, but major understanding of the craft? Not where I'd like it to be and definitely not a Pro level.
I need to readjust my mindset on things. I am going to be working hard on developing my skills and techniques for my photography. I am also going to push myself nutritionally. Close isn't going to cut it. I need to really stay focused and nourish my body.

For anyone who doesn't have me friended on Facebook and wants to see pictures from the Arnold, you can go to BellaVitaPhotography and see them. I still have more to add but for now I have 58 pictures up.

For now here are a few:

 

Ava Cowan ( placed 3rd in Figure)

 

Erin Stern (2nd place Figure)

Nicole Wilkins - Ms. International Figure

Iris Kyle- Ms International Bodybuilding

Adela Garcia - Fitness International Winner

I have photos of every pro competitor. Not all are edited yet, but I think I have almost every fitness athlete done, a good portion of figure and then I am on to bodybuilding. 

Have someone you want me to post? Let me know!

Oh, and I have to post 2 of my favorite people on here...

The Stunning Tara Green (Figure B)

and

The Amazing Lori Raper (check out that booty definition!)

 

This is a journey

So this time around on my quest for health and weight loss (fat loss), I am finally realizing that this is a journey, a process. I am not going to accomplish my goals in a few months-- and that is not only okay, but it is great! I am where I am for reasons. I am slowly uncovering the the path that lead me to this point while I make a new path. This journey is about me rising from the ashes like a Phoenix. Every 1000 years, the Phoenix willing burns itself to ash so that it can rise again- new, refreshed and untainted.
 From Jill Brown of Singlemindedwomen.com:

The Phoenix is a Chinese mythological bird that lives for 1,000 years. It is a symbol of opportunity, opulence, and immortality. It is also a symbol of resurrection. For at the end of its 1,000 year life cycle – it builds its own burning funeral pyre and sacrifices itself. The Phoenix is burned to ashes in the fiery flames. But out of ashes arises a new, brilliant incarnation. The newly resurrected bird is then free to fly away for a fresh 1,000 year life cycle.
There are several things I like about this legend that I think we can all learn from:
1)      The Phoenix recognizes when its current incarnation is up. It doesn’t fight to remain the bird it is, resisting the change ahead. No. It openly, happily and in full willingness builds its own pyre to start the transformation process
2)      The Phoenix commits itself fully to the fire. It doesn’t hop in, say “Damn it’s hot!” and then fly back out deformed and on fire. It gives itself fully to the process, trusting that its current incarnation is complete. It trusts itself to the process of being reduced to ashes in order to start fresh
3)      From the ashes, from the most basic state of itself, but still from the core parts of itself – it rises again as a new and beautiful bird

 I love our team name from Lean Eating- Iron Phoenix .

 

 I am done jumping out of the fire when it gets to hot. I've had to weather some tough heat and pressure so far during this journey. Eating S-L-O-W-L-Y is hard when you are used to inhaling your food. Not making lots of physical progress is hard when you do your best to be compliant on your program. Really, I am just building on a foundation. Layer after layer, strong and positive habits are being built while the old, useless ones crumble away. 

I am so very happy that I have chosen to take this journey and trust my guide. Precision Nutrition and my coach Krista are amazing. They really DO know what they are doing. My lack of trust doesn't mean someone or something isn't right. It just means I am afraid to trust. I am getting better and I haven't taken the wheel back. I have placed my faith in their knowledge and even though I am scared at times, I know I am on the right path.

The Drive for Perfection?

I posted this over on the Lean Eating board on Precision Nutrition. I think it has a lot of good thoughts for me to reflect on and I thought it would be good to share on here too...

I have been doing a whole lot of thinking since starting this program. *whew* I have smoke coming out of my ears the wheels are turning so fast in my mind.

I have really been thinking about the "All or Nothing" mindset that I have had in the past. I am working hard to shatter those thought patterns. Not just in Lean Eating, but in all areas in my life. All or nothing thinking is a symptom of Perfectionism. Perfectionism is definitely something I suffer from. All or nothing, do more, be better, HAVE TO, SHOULD... These are the thoughts and words that drive me. I should do X, Y, Z. I have to do A,B,C. I should be better, I need to do more ____. I feel all this external pressure... yet really I think that pressure comes from within! Sure there are definitely outside pressures, but ultimately the driving force is internal. The FEAR of rejection, of being judged as unworthy, of being found unacceptable is what keeps me in the cycle. WHAT IF I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH??? I MUST BE PERFECT. If I am not perfect, then I am a failure. No one will accept me.

These thoughts are something we'd hate to hear from a child or even a dear friend, yet we say them to ourselves in some form. Trying to be perfect and failing at that task is stressful. We can become anxious or depressed. I know I personally have experienced this.
Until these lessons came about I don't think I realized how deep I've been in the cycle. My standards for myself are unrealistic. The first time I had to say "No" I didn't properly do my habit, I almost freaked out. I thought about lying and saying I did. I didn't want to admit I "failed". But checking no and acknowledging that I was still "pretty good" was actually a relief. I knew I could try again the next day and Krista wasn't going to send me an email that said "YOU SUCK. YOU FAIL!" I think somewhere I was judged unfairly and maybe some unfair expectations were set. (Actually I know this to be true). So now, part of my journey is to work on ACCEPTING MYSELF. I am pretty good- and that is just fine! I will always try to be the best I can be, but I can't be perfect. No such thing exists! I can only be me- and I can only do my best. I also accept that not being perfect doesn't mean go to the other end of the line and be lazy.
 

I also put together a list of quotes to help keep me focused on my new belief system- the one that eliminates the word perfect from my vocabulary.

“Perfectionism may be the ultimate self-defeating behavior. It turns people into slaves of success—but keeps them focused on failure.” --Hara Estroff Marano

“Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.” – Harriet Braiker

“The pursuit of perfection often impedes improvement.”—George F. Will

“Excellence is the gradual result of always striving to do better.” –Pat Riley

“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.” –Michael J. Fox

“Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude.” –Ralph Marston

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” --Aristotle

“Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life.” –Dr. David M. Burns

“One of the most essential things you need to do for yourself is to choose a goal that is important to you. Perfection does not exist; you can always do better and you can always grow.” –Les Brown




So from here forward I am doing my best to strive for excellence, not perfection. I am also on the lookout for "All or Nothing" thought patterns that permeate my day.

And what did I just do??

I signed up for the Warrior Dash!!

The Warrior Dash is 3 mile run filled with 14 obstacles!

Wind tunnels, planks, walls, junkyards, mud, fire.... and crazy costumes, fun people, oh.. and beer. LOL

I have 125 days until the race. I can't wait! I'm on Week 5 of my C25K program. After I complete round one I will look at bridging to a 10K. That and all the strength training I am doing should get me decently prepared. I hope. :)

Here's what to look forward to...

Yeah.... I can't wait!

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com

Amazing... if you need a little help... if you are wondering about your feelings or how to change or why you haven't changed.. 20 minutes for a little eye opening ;)

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com