February was a rough month mentally and physically. Got kicked down by an infection that just wouldn't die. Had to back to the doctor, got stabbed in the butt by Helga the Viking nurse and gained back some weight from the steroid shot. I dropped the weight back and lost more.
Split up with the husband Wednesday before the Arnold, went to the Arnold on Thursday and Friday- had a blast with the girls. THANK YOU for helping me stay sane! I am sad, but more relieved and happy since the split. It was such a tough thing to do- in fact the hardest thing I have ever done. It was the right decision though. It may not be a permanent separation, though it is starting to feel that way. I've been so happy and I have felt so free. One thing I did learn was that I definitely eat when angry. When anxious, I can't eat. I just gagged on food. This is a huge learning experience.
Since the Arnold, I have been on plan and happy. I started with Erik from Leanbodies and I'm looking forward to seeing where we go from here. I am feeling like I can be me. I feel at home in the gym now. I'm changing so much and learning so much about myself. I still feel sad at times, but the strength that I have been building up over these last 5 years is amazing and its carrying me through. Its amazing how you don't know what you are made of until you are tested. I'm stronger than I ever thought I was.
Watching the Pros at the Arnold made me realize a few things. First- you can't be afraid of the judges. Look at them, acknowledge them- work them! Second- the Pro's don't work so hard to pose. They just do it. They were all so graceful and they looked relaxed. They were all gorgeous and they just worked their poses like anyone else smiles, blinks or walks. They just did it. It looked SO natural.
Here are my shots. :)
