**Honest Scrap**

Okay, I was tagged by Marissa. :)
Its been such a crazy week... Finally had some time to give some decent answers.

10 things about me...

1- I have always wanted to be a dancer. I took ballet lessons for 6 weeks as a child and was beyond thrilled. Growing up in the 80's money shortage meant that was it for me. Too many other self-esteem issues over the years kept me from ever taking a class as an older child/adult. I love watching Fred & Ginger movies. I watch DWTS with awe and longing. One day I WILL learn to dance. For now, my two left feet will watch. Right now, I feel a bit like the dancing hippos from Fantasia.


2- I love Marilyn Monroe. I love reading about her life- her personality, her struggles, her victories... she was an amazing woman. She faced so many trials. Her life was filled with tragedy. She overcame many obstacles. Despite the way her life ended, she did have some victories.



3- I used to ride horses and miss it dearly. I was so in tune with my horse. I could sleep in his stall with him. I spent many hours in my barn and the barn of my grandparents'. I wouldn't say I was any horse whisperer, but I certainly had a connection with these beautiful and majestic creatures.

4- I'm a farm girl at heart. I grew up in a "regular house", but I spent many days and all summer at my grandparent's home. I baled hay, cleaned stalls, trained dogs, rode horses, raised cows, turkeys and rabbits for 4-H. I like the conveniences of city living, but the farm will always have my heart.

5- I love to learn. I always had my face in a book as a child (when I wasn't doing farm stuff. :P) I changed my major so many times in college because too much was interesting. I kept getting sidetracked by other classes. Meteorology, Psychology & Sociology (double major attempt), Sports Medicine and Art Therapy were all majors I had at some point. I never did complete my bachelor's degree. I have more than enough credits for two degrees. I am 4 classes shy from my psych degree. But unfortunately, I ran out of $$ before I could finish.

6- I love being a photographer. I have a good eye but need more technical skills. Finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to buy more equipment would be great too. Haha. I dream of traveling to Kenya and the Galapagos Islands to take some amazing nature photos. I'd love to produce my own photo book one day. Every year I do a calendar of nature pictures.
Recently I've started taking maternity, baby and comp photos. I am hoping to do more compeition photos and move up to some fitness modeling shoots, too.

7- I dream of doing a pin up calendar. I know that underneath this protective layer of fat is a gorgeous, curvy body. In high school I rocked the measurements- 36-24-36". I can do it again- this time with some more muscle! Baling hay was good for me, afterall. ;)

8- I love wine. Riesling is my standard favorite, but there aren't too many grape juices I haven't liked. :)

9- I can't swim. I can sorta doggy paddle. I cannot float. I had tubes in my ears 5x as a child. I got so many ear infections and it always seemed to be triggered by water- swimming or in the shower. I hate things in my ears to this day. I will go in the water at the beach and I can "swim" enough to enjoy myself, but in a pool or too far out in the ocean and I'm in trouble. I wish I was more interested in learning. I love the beach... and the ocean in Aruba was amazing...

10- I love to sing. A lot. Singing makes me happy. I used to perform songs for my stuffed animals. I got asked to stop singing so loudly in 2nd grade. We got to put on the headphones in the back of the classroom if we finished our work early. I popped in a Carebear's cassette and put the headphones on.... and without realizing it, I was singing and jamming along. lol SO Embarrasing!

I'm supposed to tag 7 peeps... Lots of peeps already got this, so I'll tag these 6 bloggers:

Figure Chick

Think Six

Just Do It!

I Don't Need Excuses

Ironlady

Muscle in the City

Updates -- 17.5 weeks out

Week Three, Day Two 100 Push Ups Challenge
Set One: 14
Set Two: 19
Set Three: 14
Set Four: 14
Max Set: 25
Total: 86 !

Today was tough at the start. I didn't have much of a warm up. I visualized doing push ups with something heavy on my back. I visualized being much stronger than I felt and it helped me crank out more than I thought I could do. Funny thing, that visualization thing... :)

So in other updates... being sick with no balance or energy is a sucky thing. I took yesterday off from everything. It should have been push ups day but I knew I'd be weak and I needed the sleep.
I got my appetite back yesterday and ate quite heartily. I was worried about the calories, but I was so hungry. I feel much better this morning. Still tired. I had a lot of strange dreams and moved around in my sleep a lot. I don't feel that exhaustion that being sick brings, just sleepy. For that, I am relieved.
I am way off track to make my goal competition in March. There is another competition 1 week later, but at this rate I don't think that one week will help. I'll have to play it by ear. I'm still going to push, but I am starting to think picking a show in the late Spring, early summer would be better. A slower, less stressful lean out would give me a more even loss... I really wanted to do this show, but if I'm not worthy of 12 weeks out in January, then I'm going to have to move the date. Hormones are playing especially mean right now, but I have to overcome. I have to see my goal through the haze. Its so hard to fight these crazy moods sometimes. Its absolutely amazing to see the impact they really have. No one wonder women seem nuts sometimes. :P

I'm easing back into working out. I don't want my body to flip out again and be sick. I'm SO over being sick. I think the infection on top of the hormonal migraines/mess just really sent me over the edge this weekend. If I could just have one issue to deal with at a time, that would be great. Thanks. I have to be better at controlling my asthma. This is going to be part of my focus for this prep. Honestly, how can my body do anything above and beyond exist if I don't allow the oxygen in? I always feel leaner after I wear my breathe right strips for a week. Sounds crazy, but there is good reason- oxygen is actually getting to where it needs to go. Funny how that works...

I'll have another blog coming up later. Much to do today though.

PS- I love comments. Even if its something like- "girl you are whack!" :) Comment so I can find you and follow. I promise to start being a better commenter myself.

Sick and a kick

I'm having a bad time lately. My hormones are completely out of control. I'm off the hook. Emotional and the swings are bad. Out of no where... Bad, bad migraines... And now I'm sick to top it off. My head is plugged and I'm dizzy. My chest has an elephant on it. :( So yeah. I feel really down. I know that I have to take care of myself, but I also have to push forward when I can.

This is a re-post from Pauline.... A good kick in the pants...

"...

It’s amazing how some people seem to assume muscle mass will just happen. You go lift a little here and there and BAM you get all muscular. no way. NO way. It’s a slap in the face to all of us who’ve been working out for years for a few pounds of lean mass addition. And then have the gut to complain about a lack of progress? Come on, what is this? Especially when this notion comes from very, very intelligent, insightful individuals. That just proves the point: physical excellence truly is a skill and a skill which needs patience and true dedication to go in bloom.

I’m fed up with those who want results in two weeks or less. I’m fed up with those who think a year of training is A LOT to do for reaching a new physique, I’m fed up with those who complain about being fat and don’t move the fat around via exercise, I’m fed up with those who don’t accept exercise as a natural part of life, I’ve had it with those who say drugs make good bodies, not work ethic and dedication.

People LOVE to blame bad genetics, bad situations, no time, nothing this nothing that. Guess what, we ALL have the same hours per day. If I remember correctly, it’s 24 and yes in Sweden as well as in Sudan and America. How you handle them is another story.

I’m fed up with those who blame husbands or wives or kids or dogs or house mortgage or work on not being able to commit. Unless you are one of the many very unfortunate ones who cannot afford somewhat healthy food, it’s no excuse to say “I don’t have time to eat healthy”. Well, how the heck do you find time to EAT at ALL if you now have no time? How come there is always time and a place for bad snacking? Suddenly there really WAS some time, wasn’t there! Hm……"

(Complete Post Here)

This can't last forever. I'll get well eventually. In the meantime- healthy food til I can move without dizziness.

Making changes

Week 3, Day One 100 Push Ups Challenge
Set One: 12
Set Two: 17
Set Three: 13
Set Four: 13
Max Set: 18
Total: 73

Today was rough for push ups. I'm fighting off some kind of infection. My head is super congested and its hard to breathe- my chest feels like someone is sitting on it. Probably wasn't the wisest idea to do push ups, but I didn't want to lose ground on my program. I'm completely exhausted right now. I could sleep the rest of the day.

No rest for the wicked, I guess. I have to go to my cousin's house for a family photo for our grandparents. I'm not looking forward to it. Its awkward. I don't really speak to this side of my family for many reasons. I don't want to be interrogated. If they don't go that route, they'll just ignore me like they always used to. It was so passive-aggressive growing up. I guess this is one way to reflect on why I behave the way I do. I was so miserable as a kid when it came to this side of the family. I feel vulnerable and anxious and very much like a child going into this today. Weird. I guess I'd better figure out how to be my own person, once and for all. My worth does not depend on anyone else. NO ONE. I listened to all the hate-filled crap for all those years. It did a number on me, but its time to grow up, girlie. I guess that's what the last 10 years have been about.
2010 is going to be my year. I will be who I want to be. I will learn what I want to learn and do what I want to do. I will learn to be myself and love myself. This has been a long time coming and I deserve better. Being healthy and making it to the stage are just a piece of this journey. The health and fitness side of this impacts so much of the rest of my life. All the things I have sidelined in my life were due to my lack of physical ability. I am going to do amazing things this year. :) 2010 has already begun for me.

Tracy- next year You and I will be on the stage at KY Muscle. :)

Congrats to all the competitors this weekend!

Weekend Competitors Pix

So this is just a quick way for me to get pics gathered...


April!! Hottie in a Blue Bikini- lookin' stunning!!

On E

My body's gas tank, that is. I've eaten well this week. I've been good on timing. I had a slip up Monday. I was cranky about the scale still and I hadn't had Chipotle in a long while so I splurged. I got my delivery of good vitamins and I did well energy-wise at work. I've been waking up feeling the need for more sleep. I'm wiped out this morning. I'm ready to go back to bed all day. I must get some cardio in, but I am fighting the I don't care attitude. I want sleep. My head is congested so badly. I'm sure that's making me tired too. I got enough sleep. I could just keep sleeping. I have never been a coffee drinker, but I am starting to think that if I want to make it to my comp date, I might have to try it. :P

K. I can do this....

And just because it is stuck in my head... :)

Push ups, Positive Attitude & Breasts

Week Two, Day Three 100 Push Ups Challenge
Set One: 12
Set Two: 13
Set Three: 10
Set Four: 10
Max Set: 25
Total: 70!!

It was SO much harder to do push ups this morning. Not sure what it is. My asthma has been kicking up and I'm pretty tired today. I'd love to go back to bed for a few hours. My doesn't know or seem to like this weird state. I think the bloating is mostly gone. I feel less chunky. I'm not getting on the scale though. It is evil.

I love this line:
"Your life will always respond to your outlook, so set your goals high."

I'm struggling with a few things again. It seems like when something is up, other things come down. :( Furnace is broke. Old job screwed up my paychecks pretty bad. Now money is super tight. Using the money to fix the furnace is not my idea of happy. I was supposed to go to the KY Muscle. I am going to try and swing it, but now its really got me stressed. I'm trying to focus on the positives and that I am now in a position to make some serious money if I work it right. It won't start til next month, but still... There are possibilities. :)

Just a little rant to share. I've asked my former OB/GYN to remove me from her damn list multiple times. She isn't listening. I may just send her the following...

Dear OB/GYN -> Your letter and flyer for lipo was not appreciated. I don't care if you want to remind me over and over about that service. I paid you to look at my girl parts and that is all. I know my ass is fat. It seems your fat sucking business is more important than taking care of my inside issues-- as was evident the last time I saw you- 2 YEARS AGO!! I felt like I was in for a Jiffy Lube 10 minute oil change. You left me feeling violated and bleeding. You scoffed at my concern over lumps in my breasts!! Do you think I trust you now?? Do you think I'd dare pay you to do something more invasive and risky? Ha! If you want to be a plastic surgeon, just go and do that. Don't pretend to care about my ovaries AND external beauty when all you really care about is the money.

Sorry that was so graphic. It was a terrible experience that left me feeling horrible and vulnerable. She scraped me so hard and fast that I bled-- which has never happened before. She was rough and in not interested in that part of the gig. She acted like I was stupid when I asked about my breasts having some lumps. I didn't know what the hell was going on but I was scared and asked. She freaking laughed at me. She said (and I quote) "If it was breast cancer, you'd know". Ummmm.... okay, sure. Because I know what *THAT* feels like??? Stupid b@!ch then proceeded to pitch her fat and hair removal services. I have PCOS and yeah those might interest me, but how about addressing my medical needs first!?!? So yeah. Needless to say, I switched doctors ASAP. What a piece of work she was. Just so other women out there know- the lumps in breast tissue are common in about 30% of women. Its a condition called Fibrocystic Breast Disease. Caffeine is something that can inflame the condition amongst many other things. I hadn't always had these lumps and they aren't always noticable when I do my monthly exam. So raising concern was the right thing to do. I just want to put that information out there. It is important to know.

So yeah, wow. All sorts of things in this entry. :) Hope that it was informative.
Time to go make some breakfast. :)